a close friend is getting married soon. her wedding is in louisiana and i was ready to leave the day she got engaged. her “save the date” came with hotel suggestions and directions. the anticipation of all the fun continued welling up inside. i just could not wait. as i planned and planned in my head, the realization came to mind- it’s father’s day weekend and something not of excitement began inside.

_

I don’t know it was. I don’t know what’s wrong. But this huge hesitation overwhelms me. There are very few things I deeply discuss with people but this became something I couldn’t even understand to discuss with my closest friends. What was going on? I’ve always tried to strategically place myself somewhere joyful on Father’s Day.

Why is this different?

_

I love weddings. I always have. I dream about my own. And my wedding pinterest board has more pins that I feel comfortable sharing. Receptions are my favorite with a band, a dance floor and friends. but in the last year, I’ve been to two weddings where I’ve done a bit more crying than dancing. What is this?

_

I’ve never been 21 before. I realize things every day that I have not dealt with. Sometimes, with wisdom comes great grief. As I pray to completely surrender my life, God is sweetly giving me eyes to see all of my brokenness. As I’ve never been this old, I’ve never been this close to marriage. I’m closer than I’ve ever been and I’m further away from my dad than ever before. I’m closer to having to decide who will walk me down the isle and closer to facing my reception without the long desired father daughter dance.

Some people say life gets easier as it goes on, but for me life gets harder as I mature and grow in wisdom, as I live another year without my knight and harder as I experience my friends having their dads for the most significant things.

_

So why have weddings gotten on the “hard list” of that. Why can’t I go to my friend’s wedding. I don’t know and I might never understand. I might even regret it. But every day God shows me another place where I haven’t healed, where I don’t have it all together and those places all over where I need Him incredibly. I don’t know how people get through obstacles, brokenness or trials without God. I sure hope you’re not trying to. my favorite thing about Father’s Day is being in church and that’s what I don’t want to miss.

Where do you want to be on your hardest days? I pray it’s at the Feet of Jesus.

_

If you’re going through a hard place and you don’t have the Lord. Please know He is close to the brokenhearted and He wants to bind up your wounds. He is not the reason for your struggles but He can be the reason you are healed. God is still healing me even 10 years later. It’s okay to be broken, you have a Healer. I am a work in progress and without Christ, I’d be a total wreck! I pray you’ve found Christ and that through your pain and your suffering, you’re able to smile again.

If you haven’t found Jesus and you have no clue of the healing, the joy and the comfort you can find in Him, please contact me. You don’t have to live in suffering.

_

happy wedding jourdan! thank you for being a hand in my growth and healing. i’ll miss witnessing your first kiss but i’ll make sure to make y’all kiss on command when i come visit in austin. thank you for your constant love. i love you forever! 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s